Jerzy Kosinski — tainted

Kosinski 3I have been reading this biography* of the Polish-American writer Jerzy Kosinski, a figure of deep ambiguity, a man of endless contradictions and apparent deceptiveness. He was a liar, a plagiarist, a shameless social climber, a hater and abuser of small dogs, a manipulator of women, a constant user of whores, an annoying player of unfunny and sometimes dangerous practical jokes. All of this was routinely denied by Kosinski, while most of his strange and dysfunctional acts were known and witnessed by many others. I knew none of it myself at the time, while not seriously doubting it when I became aware of what had been said. Rumours and accusations followed his career (intensifying after his death by suicide, a quarter of a century ago), with many people coming forward to claim that they had actually written his books for him. Some successful writers attract hostility and jealousy – Kosinski suffered these in spades. Everything is described in detail in the biography. Whatever the truth, for me Jerzy Kosinski was a novelist I found inspiring and influential.

Kosinski 2I first came across his work in 1968, when his second novel, Steps, was published in the UK. I had never read another book like it: almost every page was a shock, a revelation. This was partly because of the period – Steps seemed to fit naturally into the social upheavals of the time – but also partly because I was a young and beginning writer, trying to write and sell my own first novel. I was seeking a voice, seeking encouragement, seeking almost everything. I was dissatisfied with the conventional narratives of the novel, knew that there were ways to try to break out into more adventurous methods, but I was also stricken with a kind of stage fright, a nervousness about my own limitations.

Incautiously reading Steps was for me like suddenly throwing open a door without knowing what might be on the other side of the steep wall that contained it – there was what seemed to be a burst of light, revelations, openings, possibilities, a view of scenery I had not suspected was there, or ever could be. Steps consists of many short narratives, told in an icily clear, unemphatic voice. It is all description, with hardly any dialogue. It is written in a detached narrative voice, first person, unemotional, worryingly dispassionate – but the steps in Steps are violent, abusive, sometimes disgusting, dangerous, always unexpected.

I have not re-read Steps since that first time, but its images still haunt me. I soon found Kosinski’s only other book available then: it was in fact his first novel, The Painted Bird, published a couple of years before Steps. The Painted Bird is a more linear narrative, but also Kosinski 4consists of a series of shocking scenes or events. As the Germans invade Poland in 1939, the middle-class parents of a young Jewish boy place him for safety with peasants in a remote part of the countryside. This arrangement quickly breaks down, and the boy endures the rest of the war alone and sleeping rough, fending for himself in a strange and hostile landscape. He witnesses, or endures, appalling events as the Holocaust goes on around him – what you read in Steps is mild when compared with The Painted Bird. Some of the material is so horrifying that it is almost literally impossible to read. Again, Kosinski’s narrative voice was hypnotically calm, but because of what I knew about the author’s personal background (from the brief author descriptions on the book jackets) I assumed it was an autobiographical novel. If so it was unlike anything of that sort I had ever read.

Most people made the same assumption. By the time his novels were published, Kosinski had social-climbed his way into the upper echelons of the New York literary establishment. A regular at dinner parties, he repeatedly told his horrifying anecdotes: parental abandonment, trying to pass as a non-Jew, the violence of ignorant peasants, mutilation by criminals and SS members, being struck dumb. When he worked these stories into a book the publisher, who had heard them from Kosinski’s lips, accepted it as a non-fiction work. Kosinski insisted it was fiction, and as such it was published. When people read The Painted Bird, thinking as I did that it was a novel heavily influenced by personal experience, Kosinski would say in public that “it was all true”.

Who really wrote his books is a question that I think will never be answered. There have been various allegations of plagiarism or cheating. Perhaps the most damaging of these was that one of his most successful novels, Being There (1971), appears to have been a rewrite of a minor best-selling novel, published in Poland in 1932. The plagiarism would be obvious to many readers in Poland, but the original novel was never translated into English. One George Reavey, an unsuccessful poet, came forward and claimed that it was he who had written The Painted Bird. Others said that Kosinski had worked in some mysterious (and undescribed) way with the CIA – his escape from communist Poland and entry into the USA was suspiciously easy and his political background was always undefined, but the thought of CIA spooks collaborating with him on a novel about the Holocaust is too ridiculous to be taken seriously. His first two books (non-fiction, about the Soviet Union, published with the by-line Joseph Novak) were dictated in Polish to a bilingual secretary. She then fleshed them out into readable English. It is no secret that Kosinski employed a private editor to work as rewriter and adviser on many of the novels, or that Kosinski produced many different versions of his manuscripts, bearing multiple changes with each appearance.

I knew none of this when I read Kosinski’s first two novels, nor, for that matter, when I caught up with his later books. The books existed, they worked as books. Of course, as an author I believe the name of a writer on a book is a sort of guarantee, a brand, a vouchsafing of true identity. But many books are published under pseudonyms, many books are heavily edited by third parties before publication. Were his actions just a matter of degree?

Knowing what we know about Jerzy Kosinski, or strongly suspect, adds something to the intrigue, not something that is particularly flattering, but it made him different, odd, disturbing. Anyway, the novels were for me a terrific stimulus. I often went to read sections of them when I was stuck on one of my own books, not to copy or imitate the style, but partly to try to renew that first revelatory discovery of Kosinski’s unique way of showing the art of the possible.

Kosinski 1Reading James Park Sloan’s biography I frequently felt glad that I had never been part of Kosinski’s circle, that I had never met him. But then, suddenly, I remembered that I had met him once, very briefly. In 1983 he came to London to deliver the annual Scott Dawson Memorial Lecture to members of P.E.N. (of which Kosinski was a past president). It was held at the Royal Festival Hall, and the place was packed. In the interval I saw Jerzy Kosinski in the foyer, so I boldly approached him and asked him to autograph my copy of Steps. He looked at it, checked the print information, then said, ‘Have you any idea how rare and valuable this edition is?’

I said I did, and watched as he used a felt-tip pen to double its rarity and value.

* Jerzy Kosinski: A Biography, by James Park Sloan. Dutton, 1996, ISBN 0-525-93784-6

Not yet The Gradual

I had been hoping to put up an early image of the covers (UK and USA) of my next novel, The Gradual. The Titan cover for the USA has been agreed, but Gollancz and I are still discussing what should go on the British cover. I should like to place the two images side by side, as they are of equal importance to me. Maybe in the near future? I have now seen and corrected the proofs for the UK edition – publication set for September 15.

Earlier this month we took a short holiday in the highlands of Scotland. It is almost impossible to convey the sense of beauty, awe and peacefulness you gain from seeing so much open scenery, so here are a few photos of what we so briefly visited. We returned refreshed, but with an unmistakable feeling that the Devon countryside, which normally we relish, now seemed a bit, well, flat …

None of these pictures would make a suitable cover for the novel, by the way.

 

Loch Lomond in the evening. It was raining.
Loch Lomond in the evening. It was raining.
The memorial to Bonnie Prince Charlie on Loch Shiel. It had just finished raining.
The memorial to Bonnie Prince Charlie on Loch Shiel. It had just finished raining.
The seafront at  Nairn.
The seafront at Nairn.
Glamis Castle. The secret, sealed-up room should be visible on the left wall, but is not.
Glamis Castle. The secret, sealed-up room should be visible on the left wall, but is not.
From Rannoch Moor.
From Rannoch Moor.

Where am I?

Just to record, slightly amused, slightly egocentric, that earlier this week I (or more correctly my book The Prestige) was a question on BBC-TV’s University Challenge. As things turned out, I was also an answer. It’s a weird experience, when this happens. This was incidentally a step forward, because two or three years ago I was a question on the same programme, but, as things turned out, not an answer.

I am giving a talk this evening (11th March 2016) to the Birmingham SF Group, at the Briar Rose Hotel, Bennett’s Hill, Birmingham, from 7:30pm. I should have mentioned this before — sorry about the short notice. More details here.

While on this subject I will also be appearing at the North London Literary Festival on 22nd March 2016, at Middlesex University in London. Full information here.

We will also be at Mancunicon, the Easter SF convention, from 25th to 27th March 2016, at the Hilton Deansgate Hotel, 303 Deansgate, Manchester M3 4LQ. If you are not already a member of the convention, day memberships are available, but (NB) only if purchased in advance. There will be no day admissions at the door. If you are intending to be there, make contact with them now. Full details of day memberships, and everything else, here. I shall be appearing on two panel discussions, one on Saturday evening, one on Sunday evening.

April looks as if it will be a quiet month, so I will be getting down to work, but during May I am involved in a hectic excursion, which includes two visits to France and a week in Canada. Later in the year: more of the same, even more hectic. I thought things were supposed to slow down as you enter the crepuscular years of your life …

Soggy

Storm Imogen blew the vanes off our local wind turbine. It left the rest of the place a bit wet underfoot. All these pictures were taken within 500 metres of our house.

Soggy Devon 3

Soggy Devon 4

From my office window 25 02 16

Soggy Devon 1

Soggy Devon 2

The Space Machine

The Space Machine ValancourtHere is the cover by Valancourt Books for their US paperback reissue of The Space Machine, which was first published by Faber & Faber some 40 years ago. (Yes, that’s FORTY. It’s not the sort of sentence I’m keen on writing. Read it quickly, please.) Valancourt’s edition is going on sale next month, March 2016.

Unlike a child that might have been born in 1976, The Space Machine is 40 years old only by date: it is not an adult, certainly not a middle-aged adult, but a child of its time. My time, in fact: it was my fourth novel, which I started writing more or less straight away after completing Inverted World. It is to my eyes still fresh to read, although I know that if I were to try to write something like it now I would probably muck it up. Lacking self-consciousness can be an advantage.

By the way, this year marks the 150th anniversary of H. G. Wells’s birth. His life and mine overlapped by just over three years, so I inappropriately think of him as a contemporary. I realize now, with hindsight, that my writing of this novel might seem like a bumptious act. At the time, part of what impelled me was the realization that I was then more or less the same age as Wells had been when he was writing his scientific romances — I still consider those to be his best work in fiction.

A Dish Best Served Cold?

This is a recommendation to the Argentinian film Wild Tales (Relatos Salvajes), which we watched on DVD last weekend. It came out last year and has won prizes and awards at film festivals all over the world, although largely in South and Central America. It gained nominations for the Oscar and BAFTA awards (in the categories embarrassingly and chauvinistically called respectively “Foreign Language” and “Not in English”). It was also nominated for the Palme d’Or at the 2014 Cannes Film Festival.

Somehow, though, perhaps because it was thought to be “foreign”, it did not gain a theatrical release in the UK, and opened on a paltry four screens in the USA. Traditionally, English-speaking audiences are assumed by distributors to loathe sub-titled films. (It is exactly this kind of unthinking chauvinism that is ultimately behind the current controversy about actors in this year’s Academy Awards.) Whatever the reason, Wild Tales can be fairly said to have slipped through the Anglophone net. More fool us.

Wild TalesIt is a wonderful film, one of the best made and most enjoyable I have seen in a long time. It is, though, difficult to describe and review, because of the form it takes. It is a portmanteau film, consisting of six individual short stories, without linking between them. In Wild Tales the stories have nothing in common beyond the theme: they are all about revenge.

The wish for revenge is an intriguing subject, and here it is treated with flourish. Each of the stories is original and unusual, each is well told and skilfully filmed. The cast consists of actors who are not instantly familiar to British and American audiences, but are obviously well known in Argentina – perhaps the most familiar of the actors is Ricardo Darin, who was the lead in such (Argentinian) films as Nine Queens and The Secret in Their Eyes. But the ensemble acting is terrific throughout.

Each of the episodes is imaginatively constructed: there is an ingenious plot as well as the story, and the characters are properly and convincingly drawn. There are memorable images galore: you will never forget the astonishing image with which the first story ends, but it’s not a film of cinematic trickery. The concluding story, for example, is based entirely on character and good writing, and leads up to a most satisfactory and surprising ending.

Wild Tales was produced by Pedro Almodóvar, and was written and directed by Damián Szifrón. I hope Szifrón has a long and successful career ahead of him. I can hardly wait to watch his film again, and I suspect others will enjoy it as much.

However:

During the same weekend we saw a second film. This, oddly enough, had several features in common with Wild Tales. Much of it was filmed in Argentina, for instance. A lot of the dialogue has subtitles in English. It too is about revenge.

It was (perhaps not obviously from that brief summary) the recent blockbuster vehicle for Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hardy: The Revenant.

Whereas Wild Tales glories in superlative writing and storytelling, The Revenant is minimally scripted, has hardly any story at all and no plot to speak of. It is no more than an anecdote, padded out for two and a half hours. You will know the anecdote before you go into the cinema: DiCaprio is savaged by a bear, left for dead by his colleague Tom Hardy, and after he recovers he goes off in search of Hardy to exact revenge. There is nothing more to the film than that: apart from a lot of hanging around in cold weather, fabulous photography of cold weather, a dip in a freezing river, endless violence in cold weather, a lot of cruelty in the snow … and a quest for revenge.

Wild Tales was budgeted at $3 millions. The Revenant spent $135 millions. Wild Tales, as I said, opened on a mere handful of American screens. The Revenant opened on more than three thousand.

Wild Tales is the better film.

Devon in Winter

Until this week any photographs I might have posted of our local countryside here in North Devon would have been awash with mud and puddles. At last some real winter weather has arrived and it is now refreshingly cold.

The photos below are of the flood plain of the Taw Valley. The Taw rises on the northern edge of Dartmoor, then meanders its way in a generally north-westerly direction, reaching the sea at Barnstaple. It is a live river, almost entirely unpolluted and free of modern development for most of its length. The valley is a haven for wild birds, and the river itself is a safe habitat for salmon, trout and otters. In recent years it was brilliantly photographed by James Ravilious (son of the painter Eric Ravilious) who in his lifetime created a unique archive of the scenes and people in this part of North Devon, and whose work casts a impressive shadow across latter-day attempts.

TarkaIn recent years the area has become known as Tarka Country, based on a popular novel about an otter of that name, by Henry Williamson. There is a long walk through the valley called the Tarka Trail, and our local train service (which crosses Devon from Barnstaple to Exmouth) follows the course of the river for much of the way and is known as the Tarka Line. It is in fact a real train line, a reliable link to the mainline trains in Exeter, and much used by local people. It’s not at all intended as a novelty for tourists, but even so it’s one of the most scenically splendid train journeys in this country.

Here are a few images of what I saw of the flood plain this morning, as I drove in a mundane way to take the car in for a repair:

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Wessex Comes Home

A Dream of Wessex ValancourtThis is the cover for Valancourt’s new paperback edition of A Dream of Wessex, which they will be publishing in the USA in March.

It is good to see the novel published under its real title at last — when it came out the first time the American publisher (Scribner) changed it to The Perfect Lover. This was partly my own fault — my choice of earlier titles in the USA had turned out to be contentious and I reacted wrongly to that. Two of the titles I had put on my earlier books had led to changes in the USA. Harper & Row changed Fugue for a Darkening Island to Darkening Island, then Inverted World to The Inverted WorldAlthough both these decisions were only slightly mystifying, and the changes only seemingly minor, they led inevitably to confusion in databases and catalogues. I was already fed up with the argument I had to have with the publisher every time (I won two of the arguments: Indoctrinaire and The Space Machine went out in the US with the correct titles), and later I was also fed up with explaining what the difference was to bibliographers, librarians, and so on. It went on for years.

When I completed A Dream of Wessex my then literary agent said that no one outside the UK would have the faintest idea what the word ‘Wessex’ meant, and he proposed a title change. He eventually suggested Future Perfect, which seemed OK for a time — the manuscript went out under that title. Then the British publisher, Faber & Faber, said: ‘No, this is no good.’ They preferred the original! A familiar problem immediately returned, this time in reverse. But to my irritation, even the concession about not alarming American readers by mentioning ‘Wessex’ led to a new argument about the title. Scribner wanted a harmlessly bland formulation, and their change soon seemed not only inevitable but by this time, for me, it was habitual and traditional. The phrase ‘the perfect lover’ is actually used in the novel, but it’s a passing remark — no more than that, a momentary insight, a reflection by one of the characters.

Valancourt’s smart new edition will, I hope, put an end to all that. There is a selection here of the reviews of the original Faber edition — this includes an image of the Faber cover, which is, incidentally, based on a little-known watercolour by the painter Paul Nash.

The Separation ValancourtMeanwhile, here is the cover illustration Valancourt have put on their US paperback edition of my 2002 novel The Separation. This was published back in June 2015, but for some reason the copies Valancourt sent to me did not reach me. I only became aware recently that the book was already out. Until now, or at least until June last year, The Separation had never achieved a mass-market paperback in the USA, so this new release is especially pleasing to me.

The Separation is a novel set during WW2, but it’s the part of WW2 that I have always found interesting: the period when Britain ‘stood alone’, when the world war was actually a European war (but no less serious for that), a time when the USA, the USSR and Japan were not yet involved. After June 1941, when Nazi Germany invaded Russia, it became a worldwide conflagration, more deadly and damaging, a grim conflict with consequences for everyone on the planet. My novel is anti-war in intent.

Here are some of the reviews of The Separation, when first published in hardcover, in the UK and the USA.

George Clayton Johnson

Mr Johnson died on Christmas Day — my obituary of him appears here. I never had the pleasure of meeting him in person, but after intensive researches while drafting the article I rather began to wish I had.

Part of my researches involved having a look at what online extracts I could find of the film of his novel, Logan’s Run, released in 1976. (He co-wrote the novel with William F. Nolan, who survives him.) I remember reading Logan’s Run when it came out in the mid 1960s. By the more modest standards of that long-ago era it was fairly heavily hyped by the publishers, but when I read it I found it was a straightforward dystopian satire, better done than some of the other books of that type but not exceptionally so.

It was filmed a few years later, directed by Michael Anderson from an adapted script by David Zelag Goodman, and starred Michael York and Jenny Agutter. I can’t remember much about the film beyond the fact that I did go to see it, so looking at some of it again was a revelation, especially in the context of the currently released Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

The ‘first’ Star Wars film was released less than a year after Logan’s Run, and of course transformed forever the interest of Hollywood in the science fiction idiom. The two films came out less than eleven months apart — because of the amount of process work that followed the live action shooting, Star Wars was probably filmed in the UK around the same time as they were making Logan’s Run in Hollywood. Yet they seem to come from different decades, not to say that they emerge from bizarrely different imaginative cultures. Logan’s Run is slow, preachy, unconvincing. The sets and special effects look phoney, the acting is coy, forced and lacking in conviction. As for the costumes: the scenes of life in the community are rather like an especially demented Abba video. Young extras tirelessly walk to and fro, holding hands, chatting and smiling in groups of two and three — the chaps all wear body suits and have blow-waved hair, the young women are in diaphanous one-piece mini-dresses. It’s a ghastly reminder of the awful ‘styles’ that were prevalent in the 1970s. ‘It begins where imagination ends,’ promised the trailer. Never was a truer word —

We saw the new Star Wars release a day or two before Christmas. Whether or not I liked the film is neither here nor there: in terms of the visual effects, acting styles, the costumes, the kind of writing and storytelling, the type of humour, The Force Awakens is entirely consistent with its predecessor, made nearly four decades earlier. Neither film dates the other. Of course, special effects techniques have changed out of all recognition in that time, and there are gentle in-jokes about some of the original actors looking a bit faded, but everything is put to the same service as before. And even in those pre-CGI days, the Star Wars miniatures were convincing, the script had wit, the explosions were not wobbly and semi-transparent, the costumes were non-specific to passing fads and hairstyle fashions. For the full embarrassing truth, check out the Logan’s Run trailer here.

There has long been a plan to re-make the film. Not in itself surprising, but I was astonished to discover how many top film makers and writers had been dragooned into the project, and for how long it has been going on. Efforts to make a new version go back to at least 2004, with directors like Nicolas Winding Refn and Bryan Singer attached, and writers such as Carl Rinsch, Andrew Baldwin and Alex Garland commissioned to write new screenplays. All have come and gone. As recently as July 2015 the experienced producer and writer Simon Kinberg was taken on to re-boot the old project.

I tended to see all this from the point of view of George Clayton Johnson himself. A modern remake of his book would obviously have brought him some welcome recognition, and an injection of cash. I went through something similar a few years ago, while I waited for a Hollywood studio to get around to filming my The Prestige — but in the end I had to wait only five years for the project to be greenlighted, and another twelve months to see the finished film on the screen. For Mr Clayton, the inexplicable process was going on for at least the last ten years of his life, when he was elderly and unwell.

I hope when they get around to it, they do him justice.

The Lights are Going Out — official

If you have not bought a computer printer this year, an internet router or modem, a television set, a hair-dryer, a vacuum cleaner – all is well. If you are thinking of replacing the one you have, read on!

Sometimes the law changes inconspicuously: you hear something on the news, and you understand it and take it in, but it doesn’t have the press of urgency and so within a short time you tend to forget it. The consequence of this kind of forgetfulness has just happened to us.

A couple of years ago we bought a new coffee filter machine. We found one on special offer in Morrisons: £10 for a basic unbranded model. It worked swiftly and made good coffee, and with its large pot (which the manufacturers call a ‘carafe’) we had something that did exactly what we wanted it to do. In short, it sat quietly in the kitchen, exhaling a pleasant smell and from time to time muttering little contented noises. Hot coffee was on hand all day.

Last week it brewed its final pot, the heating element under the hot plate at last burning out. We ordered a replacement from Amazon. Familiar brand name, more or less basic design. (Not £10, though.) It arrived safely the next day. Unsuspecting of an event that was to waste our time for the next couple of days, we set it up, ran clean water through it, then made a pot of coffee.

Coffee filter machines are basic technology, whose simplicity is quickly grasped by anyone who uses them. The water is drawn down from a small reservoir, passes through an insulated heating element in the base, and is then expelled upwards to a nozzle where it drips on to the coffee grounds in a filter beneath. The fresh coffee percolates into the carafe, where it is kept warm by the same heating element under the hot plate. The new machine did all this, but we couldn’t help noticing that it had a number of extra buttons, a timing device, special lights, etc.

While we were still looking at the manual the main special light went out. The hot plate began to cool. We turned it on again. Then we noticed that our radio had stopped working. When we moved the coffee machine away the radio started working again. The new coffee machine was clearly emitting not pleasant smells and little contented noises, but a death-ray of radio interference. We were still trying to find somewhere we could have both appliances (in a kitchen, available free surfaces close to a power socket are not plentiful) when the coffee machine turned itself off again.

Amazon has an excellent, hassle-free returns service, which I recommend.

The next day we went into our local market town to find a replacement, one we could look at in the shop to make sure it wasn’t afflicted with the same level of high-tech irritation. The only problem was that none of the four shops we visited (including a huge general-supplies warehouse on the edge of town) had any in stock. This was surprising – we had assumed filter machines were common consumer products. We ended up driving a further distance to Barnstaple, where there is a branch of Currys. They had two models on sale: we bought the simpler, cheaper one. This too had extra buttons, a digital clock, LEDs that were said to change colour.

We ran fresh water through it, then made a pot of coffee. The radio continued to work, but a few minutes later the filter machine turned itself off.

It was only then that a faint, distant memory arose of some EU-inspired legislation change. A visit to Google confirmed the worst (here and here). From the beginning of 2015, many electric or electronic devices aimed at the consumer market have to turn themselves off if they are not used after a certain, fixed period of time. The reason: an urge to conserve energy, not in itself a bad thing, but because the new rules are aimed at consumers there is nothing we can do about it. There is no discussion, nothing to argue about – climate change is threatening the world. Things are being made differently now.

Governments, local authorities, big corporations are of course free to continue to waste energy however they like. A visitor to any big city after dark will see a blaze of lights, signs, displays, engines running, things being cooked, devices turning, vehicles rushing around. A night flight across North America or Europe will reveal the glare of city lights, which are sometimes so bright they dazzle even from five miles above. Hundreds of thousands of aircraft fly constantly above North America and Europe and everywhere else, millions (perhaps now billions) of cars and other vehicles gulp down fuel every minute of the day. There’s practically no point in trying to list the many ways in which energy is wasted constantly, by everybody, everywhere. The present British government is drawing back from supporting renewable energy sources, and now plans to ruin the environment of the countryside forever with plans to frack in quest of two or three years’ worth of “independent” fossil energy. For these reasons, our little one-kilowatt coffee maker has to turn itself off to prevent global warming.

My next modem, should the current one expire, will turn itself off if “no main task is performed”. Our vacuum cleaner, which noisily, swiftly and efficiently sucks up the usual weekly detritus of dust, bogies, cat hair, etc., will have to be replaced one day by an “eco-friendly” low power machine, which will take twice as long to do the same job and no doubt use up more electricity in the process. I have spent the last two weeks trying to find a decent light-bulb for my reading lamp, one which is bright enough to read a book by, but does not cast a pattern of variegated illumination on the page. I did not realize the difficulty of buying suitable light sources was a symptom of the same cause that now prevents me from having a supply of hot coffee all day: the meddling, inappropriate urge of some mad bureaucrat in Brussels, unresisted by a compliant British government, who wants to control how ordinary people use the precious fossil resources of the world.

This was of course why we had to search around Devon for a shop that carried even a small stock of these now more or less unsuitable coffee machines – people don’t want to buy them any more. And it was also, I now realize, why Morrisons were selling off their old stock at knockdown prices last year. I wish we had bought ten of them.